27 is the ripe age to sabotage one's life in general. Though I suspect the self destruction has commenced long ago. I've been told nihilism is juvenile so here I am, sitting in a Japanese restaurant called Black Pearls in Brussels airport, having a solemn conversation about the consequences of my temporary descend into insanity as a result of my prescription drug use in conjunction with a series of eerie coincidences featuring a bunch of strangers that hardly feel like strangers.
Airport sushi ranks high on the sad meal competition - but suffering seems a noble pursuit at least for today. I'm quietly disgusted by the tuna and salmon nigiri that look positively dehydrated but have decided to make no comments about it. She sits opposite to me and sips sake from a tiny cup. I've ordered a good old G&T to ease my nerve and I'm trying not to think about the other assignment on my to-do list which I have no clue where to even start.
"For fuck's sake," she begins, "what have you done?"
It is perhaps my cue to sob into my hands but apathy is my only saving grace. I sit still in my chair and calmly accept the judgement being dealt.
"You're unfuckingbelievable," she crosses her arms.
I remain unprovoked. Part of my wardrobe has already been confiscated - what could possibly be worse?
"You're on fucking probation again. You ask for this so don't even give me that look."
"I'm not giving you any looks," I say, emotionless, my voice flat and monotone.
All I need to do is to maintain my zenitude and smile at a minimum to be taken seriously.
"Don't even try to be smart with me, it's getting very old,"
I've wanted to say "I'm not getting any younger" instead I simply nod in silence with complete compliance that would be considered rare by some.
She takes another sip of the sake. What's left of my appetite is gone.
"You do realize things are looking real bad for you this time?" she asks, her voice softened - genuine concern. She cares.
I purse my lips and nod dutifully - apologetic without actually apologizing.
"Please do all of us a favor and stop digging your own grave, I'm trying to help you."
Somebody once told me some people just can't be helped. Nonetheless, I will be grounded until the end of this year. Nothing I say or do will change that.
It is painful, having to grow up, but none of us is presented with a choice - and I've done as much in postponing this reality. I check my watch and it is still some time before boarding. In my head I'm already humming 讓我搭一班會爆炸的飛機.
She seems to be satisfied with my performance tonight and finally starts to dig in.
"Burying someone alive really changed you, didn't it?"
"Heh."
She has no idea.
*****
