Her smile, like the warm morning sun, feels like a dream that has slipped away as I wake to face another day.
I lost her. I lost the only person who truly understood love - what it meant for me, for us.
We did fight - before she'd left.
「你走囉，走咗以後唔好返嚟⋯⋯I don't wanna have to deal with your shit EVER AGAIN.」
I screamed at her, I did.
These people sent her away, used her, broke her; so she came to me, in 2017, for help - and then I pushed her away.
「我今次走⋯⋯應該返唔倒嚟。我唔識講⋯⋯對唔住。」
That's probably all she needed to say, as a formal goodbye. Nobody knew what she was doing, my guess was nobody cared. A little drifter, a sparkling free spirit, a tough thing to behold. An almost innocent angel.
我唔識講⋯⋯對唔住⋯⋯我唔識講⋯⋯對唔住⋯⋯我唔識講⋯⋯對唔住⋯⋯
Her last words, like a broken record, replay again and again in the back of my mind. Still begging for forgiveness that she never needed.
I thought she meant "I don't know what to say - I'm sorry", but could it be "I don't know how to express this in words - apologies"?
Words became pointless when we were juggling five working languages between us two - as we resorted to each other's non-verbal cues and it seemingly worked - they called us the Dream Team.
It was her dream, and my nightmare.
In the end, here is my take: "I don't know how to say 'I'm sorry'" - but it sounds more like a line tailor-made for me.
The urge to do right by her burns in my chest, I can barely breathe. In a few hours I will board a plane into China, where the real trial begins. Nothing seems to matter anymore, I thought to myself as I kissed Mr Battle Unicorn goodbye.
